my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
