Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
