i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize