I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
