then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
