Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
