Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So here I am, sexting at work.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
