Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
