Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
