U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
