there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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