I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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