do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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