What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize