Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
