He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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