you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
