We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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