does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
