Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
