did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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