As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
