so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
