Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize