I faked an abortion last night.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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