don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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