I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
