Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
