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You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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