maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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