can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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