how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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