my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
