Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
