I just cut my nipple shaving
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
