We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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