you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
