Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
