You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
