Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize