it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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