why didn't you poke me back
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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