best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
