I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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