I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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