Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
