My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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