he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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