dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
