if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
