soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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