ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
