My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
