We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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