So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
