these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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