yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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