I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
