my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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