I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
