i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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