p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
