dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
