Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize