Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Four minutes until I can fart!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize