In the future we'll all be gay
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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