So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
