there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
