There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize