K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
