And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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