No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize