I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
