Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
