I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize