i just google imaged poop.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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