I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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