i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
