Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
