You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
