these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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