I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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