on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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