he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
