evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
COCAINE IS GR8
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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