Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
