Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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