Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
