he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
