I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
