i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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