I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
