You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
