I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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