apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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