She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
