So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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