and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
